Kein Kommentar

Ein Kommentar eines leidenschaftlichen Onusben

Liebe*r Onusb*in,

es ist Sonntag Mittag, auf den Schweißperlen spiegelt sich die leere Sonnencremetube und aus den Boxen schallt „Vincent“ von Sarah Conner.

Der Gegner macht sich bereit, den Ball zum Aufschlag anzuwerfen, zum vielleicht letzten, sogenannten „Ballwechsel“.

Eine verkorkste Annahme, die der Mitspieler gerade noch im Stolpern auf die Netzkante gehievt bekommt, weckt im Vollblut-Beacher jede Motivation, den Ball mit 200 km/h in den Sand hinter dem Netz zu installieren.

Doch es soll einfach nicht sein: Netzkante – und – Fehler. Die letzte Chance, dem Ruhmtod zu entkommen, ist dahin.

Nach tagelanger selbstkritischer Analyse, wie es zu dieser Blamage kommen konnte, fällt es einem wie Schuppen von den Augen:

Man ist zu klein.

Ein gesundes Abwägen der Möglichkeiten und ein kurzer Arztbesuch machen klar, dass man auch in 2 Jahren noch nicht Oleg Stoyanovskiy die Mütze vom Kopf reißen kann. So kommt es, dass sich einem immer mehr die Frage aufdrängt:

Wie kann ich höher springen?

Nun, liebe*r Onusb*in, falls ich gerade deinen Durchschnitts-Sommer-Sonntag 2019 beschrieben habe, lehn dich entspannt zurück. Alle deine Sorgen sollen verschwinden, wenn du diese Schritte zum hohen Sprung verfolgst:

    1. Ein Rammlerbräu kaltstellen
    2. Zieh erst die Sandalen, dann die Socken und anschließend die Sandalen wieder an.
    3. Viel Red Bull trinken, weil Red Bull verlei…Haaaaalt Stop! Jetzt nimm diesen Punkt besser nicht so ernst!
    4. Nur wer top aussieht, kann top Leistung bringen“ – Daniel Aristoteles, 336 v.Chr. Was schon bekannt war, als man zur „Verteidigung gegen den übermächtigen Angriff“ (s., 1937) noch mehrere Ballkontakte verwenden durfte, ist heute nicht minder effizient. Ein gepflegter Irokesenschnitt z.B. erzeugt nicht nur eine günstige Aerodynamik, er vergrößert auch noch den Block, an dem nun keine 1,60m-Frau mehr vorbeikommt. Nimm bloß genug Haarspray mit!
    5. Kein Kommentar
    6. Regelmäßiges Bizepstraining, bis er (der Bizeps) groß genug ist. Dadurch springt man zwar nicht wirklich höher, aber man ist sich den gegnerischen Respekt auf andere Weise sicher, und die After Beach Party läuft auch besser. Für angehende Profis ist außerdem ein Proteinriegel vor und ein Proteinshake nach dem Training zu empfehlen.
    7. Folge @volley_pod auf Instagram und ONUSBnation auf Twitch und allen anderen Kanälen.
    8. Regelmäßiges Fußzehentraining. Weil das einfach kein Schwein macht, ist das eine hervorragende Möglichkeit, besser aus der Quarantäne zu kommen (oder sogar zu springen!) als alle anderen. Also, pack die 1kg-Gewichte aus und los geht’s!
    9. Falls du noch mehr Tipps für eine bessere Sprungkraft suchst, schreib doch mal eine nette Nachricht an @alex_walkenhorst oder in den Livechat bei Twitch. Ein bisschen Abwechslung ist dort immer gern gesehen.
    10. Gekühltes Rammlerbräu vernichten.

Bis bald! #schüttein

88 Gedanken zu „Kein Kommentar“

  1. you are really a good webmaster. The web site loading
    velocity is amazing. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick.
    Moreover, The contents are masterwork. you’ve performed a wonderful activity in this matter!

  2. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following.
    unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly
    the same nearly very often inside case you shield this

  3. Hello, i believe that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to
    return the want?.I’m attempting to in finding issues to enhance my website!I suppose its good
    enough to use a few of your concepts!!

  4. First of all I would like to say awesome blog!
    I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
    I was interested to know how you center yourself
    and clear your mind before writing. I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out there.
    I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be lost
    just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or hints?

  5. Hey! I understand this is somewhat off-topic however I needed to ask.
    Does managing a well-established blog like yours take a massive
    amount work? I’m completely new to operating a blog however I
    do write in my diary on a daily basis. I’d like to start a
    blog so I can easily share my experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for
    brand new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!

  6. Unquestionably believe that which you stated.

    Your favorite reason seemed to be on the internet the easiest thing to
    be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider
    worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the
    nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal.
    Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  7. Hello! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if
    you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment
    form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

  8. Simply wish to say your article is as astonishing.
    The clarity for your submit is simply excellent and i can think you are knowledgeable on this subject.
    Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to stay up to date with coming window fitters near me
    near post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please continue the rewarding work.

  9. A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.
    I do think that you need to publish more on this subject matter,
    it might not be a taboo subject but usually folks don’t talk about
    such subjects. To the next! Cheers!!

  10. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.
    You clearly know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

    My web site –

  11. I do agree with all the concepts you’ve introduced
    in your post. They’re very convincing and will certainly work.
    Nonetheless, the posts are very short for novices. May you
    please prolong them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post.

  12. Terrific article! That is the kind of information that are meant to be shared around the net.

    Shame on Google for no longer positioning this post upper!
    Come on over and seek advice from my site .
    Thanks =)

  13. I feel that is among the so much vital information for me.
    And i’m happy studying your article. However want to observation on some normal issues,
    The website style is great, the articles is in reality nice :
    D. Just right job, cheers

  14. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site.
    I’m hoping to view the same high-grade blog posts from you later on as well.
    In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal blog now 😉

  15. This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.
    I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more
    of your great post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  16. Great blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost
    on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like
    Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many options
    out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Bless you!

  17. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everybody else experiencing problems with your blog.
    It appears as if some of the text on your posts are running off
    the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as
    well? This might be a issue with my internet browser because I’ve
    had this happen before. Appreciate it

    My webpage … blown window repair

  18. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew
    of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for
    quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something
    like this. Please let me know if you run into
    anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  19. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as
    I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the exact same area of interest
    as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from a lot of the
    information you present here. Please let me know if this okay with you.

  20. Great work! That is the type of information that are supposed to be shared around the web.
    Shame on the search engines for not positioning this put up upper!

    Come on over and visit my site . Thank you =)

  21. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a
    daily basis. It will always be useful to read content from other writers and practice
    a little something from other websites.

  22. Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue with your website in web explorer, could test
    this? IE nonetheless is the market leader and a huge section of other folks will pass over your fantastic writing
    because of this problem.

  23. Hi, I do think this is an excellent web site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I will come back yet again since i
    have book-marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

  24. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future
    and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I
    could I want to suggest you some interesting things or advice.
    Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.
    I wish to read even more things about it!

  25. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to assert
    that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I
    achievement you access consistently rapidly.

  26. I believe what you said made a ton of sense.

    But, consider this, suppose you added a little information? I am not saying
    your information isn’t good., however what if you added a headline to
    possibly grab a person’s attention? I mean Kein Kommentar – ONUSB is a little vanilla.
    You should look at Yahoo’s front page and see how
    they create article titles to get viewers to open the links.
    You might add a related video or a picture or two to grab people interested about what you’ve written. Just my opinion, it would bring your posts a little bit more interesting.

  27. I’m really enjoying the design and layout of
    your site. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it
    much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out
    a developer to create your theme? Excellent work!

  28. Heya outstanding website! Does running a blog such as this require a
    lot of work? I have absolutely no expertise in coding however I had
    been hoping to start my own blog in the near future.
    Anyway, if you have any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please
    share. I understand this is off subject however I just wanted
    to ask. Appreciate it!

Schreibe einen Kommentar

Deine E-Mail-Adresse wird nicht veröffentlicht. Erforderliche Felder sind mit * markiert.